I have been shocked and amazed over the years by a variety of things, and I have learned that despite my own best wishes and desires, I am not perfect. I say and do things that I shouldn't and actually make mistakes. I don't realize it in the moment, but fortunately am blessed with friends and family who help me learn from my mistakes. In fact, my grandfather had a gift. When I was young I didn't think of it as a gift, but when my family would visit him, he would observe you and by the end of the trip, he would tell each of us what we needed to do to become a better person. He would usually tell me I was selfish. I didn't really like it when he would tell me this and I would tell him as much. His response was that he loved me and he wanted the best for me and if he could point out these things then I could fix them and avoid struggling later in life. My grandpa was great. I absolutely love him and appreciate everything he ever did for me. I remember him saying that he wished he had someone to tell him how he could be better when he was younger. Despite him telling me my weaknesses, he also told me how great I am, and coming from him, it really meant a lot.
Despite having someone fabulous telling me how to be better, I still did and still do things that make me cringe. When I was a kid and a new girl moved into my ward, I was so jealous that she had her ears pierced. I desperately wanted mine pierced, but the rule on my family was that you had to be at least 18. I was only 8 and couldn't imagine waiting till 18. When I approached my mom about getting it done(for the millionth time) I tried to structure the argument around the fact that this girl had pierced ears so my parents should let me! Well, it didn't work and in the end, my frustrated mom ended with 'if God would have wanted holes in your ears, he would have put them there!' So sadly one day I walked up to the girl (in a fit of jealousy) and used the same line. Poor girl had no idea why I was saying this to her or what she had done to receive such contempt from an almost stranger. Fortunately I got over it and she did too and we became friends.
I thought I had gotten over doing and saying ridiculous things till a couple of days ago I ran into someone that I haven't seen in years. In chatting she mentioned a friend of ours and how one time the other friend went running with us and not being a runner, couldn't keep her pace up to stay with us. Apparently instead of slowing our pace we just took off and left her!! I thought I had gotten over my selfish need to say or do whatever I felt like doing in the moment. Fortunately freshman year was a LONG time ago. Hopefully since I have become more aware of it, I will do better. Too bad gramps didn't also tell me that in addition to being selfish I need to watch what I say and do...but then again he was a man who told me exactly that he thought regardless of whether I asked for it or not.
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